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FREE BEER TOMORROW

“Don’t Let the Sound of Your Own Wheels Drive You Crazy.”

Eagles, Take It Easy


You’re afraid something bad might happen. What if it does? What if it doesn’t? I’m not safe. I’m not secure. I’m not confident. I’m not in control. I’m worried. I’m afraid. I’m freaking out. My thoughts are spiraling into imagined scenarios that I fear will come true. How do I turn off my internal emergency response system or at least calm it down?


Most of us don’t realize that anxiety is based in the future. We’re taught to plan for a rainy day, and society insists we plan for our future and for future generations. These are appropriate and we can most certainly make plans, establish goals, schedule appointments, and think about what may be coming. But we cannot stay there, ruminating, wondering, or worrying. When the anticipation and worry settle in, the result is often a state of nervousness or restlessness called anxiety that may turn to panic, or may spiral into exaggerated fear thoughts or dread. If I cannot pay the rent this month, I'm going to get evicted, and then where will I go? What if I become homeless and have to live under a bridge? I can't live like that. It's the end of my life!


When those types of thoughts begin to spiral to catastrophic proportions, the anxiety and panic naturally follow. The future, however, simply does not exist except as a mind pattern. The future images and situations are what we create or hold in our own minds. We keep it alive by rehashing, ruminating, and inadvertently allowing our worst fears to control us. It feels real. We can feel the physical symptoms. One of the worst worries may be What will happen to me?

The truth is that the future does not exist.

Be here now.


We have to wrap our heads around the fact that we have no control over the future, absolutely none. You cannot control a future that doesn’t exist. (You can plan for the future, yes, but it's still only a set of thoughts.) That lack of control may turn into helplessness, and the thoughts may turn into heightened worry, panic, and overwhelm. Anxiety can create tenseness in our bodies, unsettled feelings, shaking, sweating, headaches, and confidence may plummet. It can often mimic flu symptoms or heart attacks. Your body may be warning you to escape just the same as if you had gotten lost in a dark, dank alley at midnight.


The antidote is to begin to notice when your thoughts have wandered into the future where things may appear turbulent and uncertain. Notice how your body feels. There may be a knot of dread in your stomach or a lump in your throat. Your body tells you that it is stressed. Once you begin to notice that your thoughts and ideas are lodged in the unpredictable future, gently bring your attention back to the present. Use your breath to help ground you in the present moment. Engage in the things you love to do. Surround yourself with loving, accepting people or throw yourself passionately into your favorite hobby (music, sports, gardening). Doing the things you love brings you present with little effort.


Sit with your anxious thoughts in the present moment, and allow them to be. Identify where you feel anxiety in your body. Do you feel slightly nauseous? Notice your pounding heart; is it clawing to get out of your chest? Are your hands trembling? Just notice all of this. Listen to your body and what it is telling you. Validate how you feel. This is important, especially if you have felt invalidated by others. Take the time to practice acceptance of your feelings. Being mindful is about being open and accepting of the whole experience. The practice is not to push unpleasant feelings away. This only prolongs the pain or stores them for later.


Create space around the worry that you’re experiencing.

Breathe deeply, and come back present.


Very often anxiety may stem from an unsettled past: watching parents separate or divorce, moving often, living with an alcoholic parent, or having someone close die. Many of these things create instability and the feeling that you are not safe. You cannot predict what will come next, and you may feel helpless to exert any control over what happens to you. This may be the original cause of your current distress. If working on these things seems to get few results, I always recommend seeking professional help. A good therapist can guide you to release the trauma and to gain some semblance of control back into your life.


Are there any decisions that may need to be made on which you’re procrastinating? Sometimes it’s easier to worry than to face difficult choices. Fence-sitting or the desire to escape and avoid the situation most likely will generate stress and anxiety. The tougher the decision, the longer it may take to decide. Do not make yourself wrong or beat yourself up. Should I stay in this unhappy relationship or should I let it go? These types of tough decisions can produce worry about what may or may not happen once the decision is made. If I try to leave, will I get hurt? If I leave, will I be lonely? What will happen to me? Those worries are what make the decision so difficult.

Once the decision is made, the anxiety lifts

and clears out of your body.


Often people know what they have to do, but they are afraid to do it. Frodo stated this when he and Sam faced the journey to destroy the ring. Sam said at one point, "For starters, Mr. Frodo, let's just get down this hill." One thing at a time. Take the larger decision and split it into smaller pieces. This may reduce the overwhelm and reduce the overall stress of having to decide. I’m going to ask my partner for some space, maybe take a short break from the relationship and see what happens.


A former client chose this route and found that when he was with his partner, he felt nervous, drained, angry, and unhappy. He opted to take a two-week break from the relationship and found himself energized, calmer, and interested in life again. Breaking up had been an overwhelming decision, fraught with worry. When he broke it down into steps, the larger decision became more manageable. He eventually left that relationship, feeling confident and happier with himself.


Replace worry with curiosity.


Examine your resistance to the future event or experience. Are you afraid of the unexpected? Do you not feel safe? Consider replacing worry with curiosity. Instead of dreading the unknown, try changing your perspective to an adventurous one. I may not know how this will turn out, but I’m actually excited and curious to find out. My favorite thing to tell my kids when heading out the door was: We’re going on an adventure!


Take a moment to breathe. Notice whether the level of your emotional reaction, which may initially be panic, matches the triggering event (rent overdue, buried under bills). If your initial reaction is out of proportion to the event, recognize that disparity and work to bring the anxious thoughts into balance with the actual event. Use positive self-talk and rational thought (evidence that you’re safe), and calming activities to bring about that balance. OK, instead of panicking, I realize that the rent is only a couple days past, and I have time to get it together. I get paid this week, and it’ll be covered. I’ve got this. I can do this.


Your thoughts backed by emotion

is a powerful creative tool.


One of the cautions about not getting the spiraling thoughts calmed down is that you may be in danger of creating the very thing you fear the most. If the constant refrain is I’m going to be alone forever or I’m broke the Universe takes those unconscious requests and brings them into your reality. Your thoughts backed by emotions is a powerful creative tool. If you change those fear thoughts into positive constructive thoughts, you literally can change your destiny. For most of us, our thoughts are a mix of fear and happy desires, so the results often seem mixed when it comes to manifesting the life we want. I am open to receive and release all fears around not having enough. I am surrounded by loving friends, family, and a new attentive partner. Remember that when writing affirmations, they are written in the present tense as though they already are true. It’s OK if you don’t fully believe they’re true yet. Don’t give up!


Free beer tomorrow


The first college that I attended after high school was in a little town in northern Illinois that had a ton of bars, including country/western (as it used to be called), rock ‘n roll, and several townie bars. The townie bars were mainly frequented by the local town population, with few college students spending time there. However, being an adventurous sort and curious, I liked to visit them all. I realize that that reads as though I was drinking my way through town, and I admit I enjoyed an ice-cold beer back then. Anyway, in one of those quaint old bars, there was a sign up on the wall that stated, Free beer tomorrow. I must have read that sign at least three times before I burst out laughing. It didn’t matter what day I would see that sign, it would always say Free beer tomorrow.


At the ripe old age of 18, that was my introduction to the truth that there was no tomorrow. No free beer awaited me or anyone else. (Historical note: the county of Dekalb set the drinking age at 17 back in the 70s for not just beer and wine, but for all alcohol. It's hard to imagine that now.)


Affirmations to release the worry, doubt, and uncertainty:


I am here and safe in the present, and I let the future go. I let the past go, too!

I release the future and all doubts and uncertainties; I find safety in the present moment.

I address anxious thoughts with healthy decisions.

I divide difficult decisions into smaller ones and reduce the overwhelm.

I turn off my emergency response system and balance the sense of urgency with calm.

The future (or the past) has no power over me.

I thoughtfully choose my thoughts, emotions, and responses.

I choose how I respond to unexpected events.

I take time to consider that unexpected events may or may not be true.

I’ve got this. I can do this.






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